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Draft IOPS Introduction Video - help wanted

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This is a first version of a draft ‘Introduction to IOPS’ video that a bunch of us have been working on. The idea is that it will be visible on the home page of the website to anyone new visiting the site (for users who are not logged in) as well as on the about IOPS page. Once we finish this version in English, we can produce it in different languages.

We still need your help to finish it. Please watch the draft video, and:

a.) let us know any constructive feedback or suggestions you may have.

b.) send us any video footage or images that are relevant to the text to help us to fill in the missing parts. In particular, if you have any of:

  • IOPS meetings, gatherings, events
  • General b-roll of people in meetings
  • war, poverty, ecological decay (don’t need much of this. we want mostly footage of positive things)
  • activism (e.g people speaking, writing, interviewing, rallies, etc)
  • anything else you think would fit in with the text

Please contact me (Chris Chrysostomou) or add any comments below.

Thanks

Discussion 47 Comments

  • Johannes 3rd Dec 2012

    Good job!

    I've sent you some footage…

    • C C 5th Dec 2012

      Thanks Johannes and thanks for the much needed IOPS related footage. Do others have any IOPS related images or video clips of meetings, events etc?

  • Lambert Meertens 3rd Dec 2012

    I hope the following feedback is constructive.

    Overall, the content is presented in an emotionally somewhat flat manner. A relatively stronger appeal to the audience's feeling is made in the segments 01:17—01:40 and 02:25—02:50, and also in the final quotes of Noam Chomsky and Cynthia Peters. But a sentence like this is in a register that is too formal (and is also way too long): "The organizational commitments have emerged from a long process of discussion and debate, and we believe they correspond closely to the most prevalent, advanced, and widely accessible political beliefs on which to build an organization for winning a better world. (01:57—01:10)

    The segment 00:48—00:56 can be omitted. This invitation to read our organizational description comes too early, before the audience has even been given a motivation to engage further with IOPS, and is repeated several times anyway.

    The explication of the internal structure of IOPS presented at 04:10—04:32, including the image labelled "IOPS Structure", correspond to one specific model (resembling the Parpolity system of "nested councils") for implementing our organizational commitment that each member has decision-making say proportional to the degree they are affected, and this model has been built as an interim solution into the website software. But IOPS is not committed to this specific model, and I think we should avoid presenting specific models in this introduction video as if they are part of our commitments. (Moreover, the reality of functioning chapters is a far cry from what is suggested here, and I would not nominate this for the Truth in Advertizing award.)

    I hear a slight echo or resonance in the spoken text, as if it is spoken in an empty room with bare walls. Is that on the original sound track? It would sound better (and be easier to understand for non-native speakers of RP) without the echo.

    Is the audience supposed to grasp the idea behind the symbolic-image transformation that starts at 06:20? I had to watch it maybe five times before I even realized the image was being transformed. I thought one of the fighter jets was being destroyed by an anti-aircraft missile! Maybe it works better if the before image is up longer than 2 secs. But, honestly, the science-fiction-like floating spheres are too much.

    The music gets louder around 06:00, which by itself is fine but I feel it goes up too quickly and even partially overwhelms the spoken text. It would work better to let it go up more slowly and only go up all the way after the final spoken words.

    • Jason Chrysostomou 3rd Dec 2012

      Lambert - you make some constructive comments, so thanks for taking the time to make those, and it would be good to hear what others also think about the points you raise.

      However, I take exception when you say: "I would not nominate this for the Truth in Advertizing award", suggesting that the creators of the video are intentionally trying to deceive the audience. If anything comes across as inaccurate in the video, I assure you, it was not intended, hence why this is a first draft and we are asking for feedback, so that it can be improved, the message made clearer.

      We used the following to help us describe the IOPS structure, taken from the About IOPS page:

      "IOPS is structured as a bottom-up, international organization, based on self-managing interconnected national branches and local chapters."

      You may well be right that it could be made clearer that IOPS is interim and is seeking to become a functioning self-managed organisation, but we certainly did not intentionally try to lie about it, so I find your comment on this a little mean. Also, I think a little bit of encouragement towards those who are actually showing some initiative in trying to do some constructive work, wouldn't do any harm, from time to time either.

      With the IOPS Structure diagram, do you or anyone else have any ideas for how we could graphically illustrate the IOPS organisational structure in the video any better?

    • Lambert Meertens 3rd Dec 2012

      I'm sorry if it seemed as if I was suggesting there was an intention to mislead. I didn't think and did not mean to suggest any misleading effect was intentional.

  • Jon Doe 4th Dec 2012

    Good first draft! thanks for the work.

    This open source site with lots of timelapse footage that seems to fit the mood: http://www.openfootage.net/?cat=4

    I used some of the time lapse open source footage in a video for about hurricane sandy and you could screen capture it if you like: http://www.iopsociety.org/blog/worth-it-then-sandy-by-lonnie-ray-atkinson

    I don't like the background music, it goes on too long and repeats in a way that it feels cult like to me. Lonnie has lots of nice creative common beats on his site that you could draw from: http://soundcloud.com/lonnie-ray-atkinson/

    • C C 5th Dec 2012

      Thanks for the links. I have got a lot of (stock) footage from many different sites. However the problem is this: using a lot of stock footage of general stuff like people and clouds really doesn’t work. I have done dozens of variations of videos and the ones with a lot of general footage don’t work well. It’s ok to use a bit of this footage but we need mostly IOPS related footage. IOPS members in meetings going to events etc. we have some but need more which is the point of this blog so if any of you who are willing to help please do so. The next time you have meeting or something think about recording a bit of it or taking a photo. But remember to get people’s permission first!

      Thanks for link to the music, it sounds good, but there doesn't seem to be an instrumental track that we could use while the narrator is speaking. Maybe the music can be incorporated in a different way.

  • Alan Story 4th Dec 2012

    A few quick thoughts:

    1) I think Lambert makes a number of helpful comments (except his ‘TRUTH IN ADVERTISING’ comment….which has now been clarified.)

    2) I think it needs to be clear WHO the intended audience is for this video. It is extremely difficult to do an effective piece of writing (as spoken in this introductory video) that is intended for ANYBODY in the world from ANY COUNTRY and ANY BACKGROUND. Why? Because you cannot connect up with them, except in a very vague and formal sounding way, and you cannot use images or examples or histories or experiences that touch them, especially emotionally but also intellectually.

    3) I think this is going to an ongoing issue in IOPS literature…and I think there will need to be a series of intros written for different national audiences and in different languages (i.e. not just a translation of these words from English.)

    4) I do think that you need to drop phrases such as ‘strive to actualise’ and some other examples. More short and punchy and staccato sentences, please. As is, it is too academic and formal in my opinion. More emotion and PASSION needed and at least a few examples to bring the message more down to earth and more linked to peoples’ lives. But then this relates to #2 and #3 above.

    5) I do find the music a bit cheesy/ smaltzy.

    All I have time for now.

    In my view, needs to go back to the proverbial ‘drawing board’.

    But thanks for sharing it with us before it goes up as the definitive intro.

    Best
    Alan Story , Nottingham UK



    • Jason Chrysostomou 5th Dec 2012

      Alan - sure, the video, being in English, isn't for everyone in the world. I write in the blog post:
      "Once we finish this version in English, we can produce it in different languages."

      I quite like the neutral tone of the narrator. In my opinion, I think the video shouldn't be too emotional - we want people to join because of the content and ideas, and I don't think it should be too informal, because we want to come across as a serious organisation. What do others think about the tone?

      You really think it needs to go back to the drawing board? The tone and particular wording aside, what about the content? Does it include the key features of the organisation? If not, what is missing and what would be the key points you include in a video introducing IOPS?

    • C C 5th Dec 2012

      Hi Alan,

      @ No. 2) - Would you like to give a go at writing a text to propose? there’s no reason why we can’t have different videos for different countries. If people would like to take the initiative please do so. The images ideally would be of iops related stuff.

      @ No. 3) - sure, no problem. See previous comment.

      @ No. 4 and 5) - points noted. Could you elaborate more on the text that you think needs editing or propose a replacement?

  • David Jones 5th Dec 2012

    For me, this sentence starting at ~1:15 doesn't really work:

    "We see war, poverty, ecological decay and many other problems in the world today as a result of the particular forms of organisation of the dominant institutions within society."

    I think that's too much of a mouthful as a sentence - I find I sort of lose the thread halfway through when listening to it. It works okay written down, but not spoken IMO. I'd try breaking it down into a couple of smaller, related sentences, something like, say:

    "We don't think that war, poverty, ecological decay and many other problems in the world today are unavoidable aspects of "human nature". Instead, we think they arise from the harmful ways in which the dominant institutions of our society are organised."

    That's just one suggestion, off the top of my head. I'd suggest writing down a number of similar things and reading them out. See how they each sound and pick the one that sounds "right".

    • C C 5th Dec 2012

      David thanks for your comments and suggestion. The text has gone through many changes and has been read out aloud. We think it’s quite good but if you have any more specific suggestions for improving any parts of the text please send them.

    • David Jones 6th Dec 2012

      Thanks Chris. I listened to the video again a few more times. I think the rest of the text is fine actually, it's only that one sentence I highlighted that stood out to me as quite unwieldy. I wouldn't want to propose more changes just for the sake of it!

      I like the neutral, rational tone that the text and narrator strike actually, and I'd be wary of going down the "more emotion and PASSION" route Alan wanted - that could easily descend into imprecise statements and emotional manipulation of an audience. I think people get enough of that sort of thing with "politics as usual" and it might turn of the sort of person we aim to attract if we tried it as well.

      I agree with Lambert and others about the music being too loud at ~6min - I actually struggled a bit to hear what the narrator is saying. But that is easily fixed. Other than that I find the music is inoffensive and recedes easily into the background, which I think is what you want in this sort of video - it shouldn't be a distraction from the narrator or a source of irritation by jarring with the listeners music taste.

      One more thing occurred to me when I watched it again: I found the text for "6) Enriching the Lives of its Members" to be a bit abstract. Could we maybe give possible examples of what "the various activities initiated by the membership" might be, so that I get more of a concrete sense of how my life could become "more fulfilled, meaningful and even more fun" as a result of joining? Perhaps it is hard to do at this interim stage, but could we speculate a bit based on what more established chapters have been doing already or might plan to do in future? Mark Evans was proposing future workshops on assertiveness in an earlier blog, for example. And talks and social gatherings have already been organised in some chapters, I think?

      I like it though, and I agree with Will that "It is things like this that make me feel like IOPS is a dream that is slowly coming to life." It'll be good to have it up on the site soon so I can post links to family, friends etc. :-)

  • Jane Johnson 5th Dec 2012

    Thank you Chris and everyone else who has worked on putting together this first draft "Introduction to IOPS" video. It's a great start!

    I do however agree with many of the comments that have been made and I think that there is definitely room for improvement.

    What would be fantastic is if we could get a professional film maker to help out with making this video. Does anyone have any contacts or any ideas on who to contact? I think this video is hugely important so it's worth getting it right.

    • Jason Chrysostomou 5th Dec 2012

      You are welcome to try, but until you find a professional film maker, raise funds to pay them, write a new script, etc, I'd like to try finishing off this video, to use for the time being, until a better video is made. Better to have something rather than nothing, no? Or do you think what we have come up with so far, even if we make some changes to it, will be good enough?

    • Jane Johnson 5th Dec 2012

      The idea to consider using a professional film maker was only raised this morning by another member, so I must admit I have not given it a huge amount of thought. I have no idea how much it would cost, how long it would take or whether it is feasible. However, if other members think this might be a good idea then we could investigate further. If not, we can forget it. No problem.

      As for whether what you have come with so far after making some changes will be "good enough". I'm sure it will be! :-)

    • C C 5th Dec 2012

      Jane, thanks for your comments. really we would like some footage to finish this one off first.

  • Michael Livingston 5th Dec 2012

    Thank you folks for putting this draft together and launching it. It's an encouraging start to a project in which we are all able to participate right here on the website and, through that participation, not only contribute to the final product, but also let visitors to the website see what participatory activity and project development look like. It is for that reason that I disagree with Jane Howick's suggestion, that because "this video is hugely important," we "get a professional film maker to help out." To the contrary, I think it's "hugely important" that WE do this through the process that Chris has outlined above.

    • Jane Johnson 5th Dec 2012

      The suggestion to consider approaching a professional film maker to help out with producing this video was not my idea, it came from another IOPS member. The idea was to consider film makers who might be sympathetic to the IOPS message and a couple suggestions have been made. I thought it seemed like a great idea so I thought I'd mention it here to see what others think.

    • Sarah Owens 5th Dec 2012

      Okay, so it wasn't your idea, you just thought it was great, so you mentioned it. On reflection, though, considering what Jason and Michael have said, do you still think it's a great idea?

    • Jane Johnson 7th Dec 2012

      Sarah - on reflection, yes I do still think it was a great idea. I agree with Alan when he says that "IOPS needs to be both‘red and expert’ and so we need skilled people to do this with us as part of a collective project".

    • C C 5th Dec 2012

      Thanks for your support Michael and I agree that it would be the best approach to do the video ourselves. Also I would like to add that some of the video team members are professional film makers or people who are involved with media in some way.

  • Sarah Owens 5th Dec 2012

    Jason: “[I]t would be good to hear what others also think about the points you [Lambert] raise.” “What do others think about the tone?” “The tone and particular wording aside, what about the content? Does it include the key features of the organisation?”

    I don’t find the presentation “emotionally somewhat flat.” It sounds serious and restrained. Determined. For me, it has the right tension, so I don’t share the concern that any sentence is “in a register that is too formal. Didn’t find any sentence to be “way too long.” It is a video, after all. And it’s short, with a rewind. Anyhow, I expect to have to, and do read and listen to passages expressing new ideas/information more than once. No problem. Takes seconds. Didn’t mind the early and often reference to the Mission Statement, etc. In fact, I think it’s good. I experience it as direct, serious: you need to do this. This is serious. This is about participation beginning now. It says, we don’t just want your name, warm body or money. Liked the org chart/illustration. Good esp. for those of us who’re not abstract thinkers, but grasp ideas by structural visualization. Echo didn’t bother me. Brief image transformation didn’t bother me. Sci-fi association didn’t bother me. Sound levels didn’t bother me or interfere with my experience of the text as primary. Didn’t dislike the background music or experience it as cultish, cheesy or schmaltzy. Didn’t find myself wishing for more short or punchy sentences, didn’t experience the text as academic (pedantic, bad) or formal (haughty, bad), didn’t miss overtly emotional expressions. Rather, I found the narrator’s restrained emotion, which is how I experienced it, very powerful. Certainly don’t think it needs to go back to the drawing board. Tone to me was sincere, intelligent, sophisticated without being know-it-all, warm, vulnerable. Content included key features of the org and expectations of interim members.

    I hope we don’t get too precious about this, but just keep moving forward. There will be many opportunities to improve on our work, and much work to do. There’s no question in my mind that this video is more than adequate to communicate a positive message about IOPS. Better than most of us could do if we were trying to do the same thing over a cup of coffee or a beer with a good friend – which is hopefully what we’re all doing every chance we get. Let’s help ourselves by completing this very good undertaking as soon as possible, and making that the priority.

    • C C 5th Dec 2012

      Thank you Sarah for your positive comments. I think you raise some important points:

      • I think it is important to acknowledge that there are different types of learners out there people who prefer reading, listening, visual, doing etc. and I think it is important to appeal to all of them or at least take them into account.

      • I also think we should try ‘not to feel too precious’ about this and try and get this finished.

  • Anders Sandstrom 5th Dec 2012

    Great job! I don´t have any suggestions for change. Go for it!

    • C C 5th Dec 2012

      Thanks Anders.

  • Will Henry Lapinel 5th Dec 2012

    I find this video hugely exciting. It is things like this that make me feel like IOPS is a dream that is slowly coming to life. Thank you for sharing, keep up the good work, and never underestimate the importance of what you are doing.

    • C C 5th Dec 2012

      Hi Will, it is exciting for me too. Once we do this one we can move on to others and have all sorts of explanatory video about IOPS and related stuff. We would like to do a Participatory Vision video next.

  • Daniel Marty 5th Dec 2012

    Hi you all,

    I find the video excellent. I honestly like it and I would not change neither the content, nor the text, the music and the diagrams. I just would make a suggestion concerning the pitch in the minute 6:00 when the music gets louder, I agree with Lambeert.
    Excepting that, as Sarah has just said, we should just keep moving forward because the purpose of the video is to reach and invite as many people as possible and it seems to me you have used the right tone.
    I'm looking forward to see the final video!!

    Congratulations for the job, we need that.

    • C C 5th Dec 2012

      Thanks a lot Daniel, your points have been taken on board. I too am looking forward to seeing how the final video is going to turn out and the others after…!

  • James Wilson 5th Dec 2012

    Gidday,

    Great first draft as Jonny Doe says.

    Agree that the music goes up a tad as noted by others.

    Music is always problmatic, but didn't really pay much attention to it except at the start, when it came up in volume and at the end whilst reading.

    With added vision one can play around with the music, but it is secondary and shouldn't get in the way of the message which I thought was great. Michael Cane as Albert the butler from Batman would have been great as the reader, but probably too expensive.(His name could have been problematic as well)
    I dig the English accent. But again not important.

    Like Daniel, wouldn't change too much. Sure you know yourselves what your not happy with. You could play it to people who aren't involved with IOPS, see what they think. Immediate impressions are the thing. But then, I'm sure you already have.

    One more thing. At about 39 seconds the name of what I assume is a city in australia comes up in the state of Queensland. Buderim? Never heard of it. I got a feeling, just an inkling, you may mean Brisbane!!

    Well done everyone involved.

    • James Wilson 6th Dec 2012

      Thought I'd check. There is a town in Queensland called Buderim with one member. Cool. Cancel above suggestion.

      Thanks for the geography lesson and apologies to Jocelyn Geraghty.

  • Alan Story 5th Dec 2012

    A few points:

    1) I do not want to be disparaging, but we have not seen the first draft of a VIDEO, but rather the first draft of an AUDIO TAPE with a few images of words from computer screens added on. This is why I put forward #2.

    2) I was the person who yesterday suggested (in an off-list message to Jason and Jane) that we might see if we could find a politically-sympathetic video artist (or artists) to work with us ---- not take over --- the producing of this video. And I suggested one name and possible leads (and that’s why done off-list.)

    3) The idea was not to pay them ---we hardly have the cash for this --– or have them dictate the content of this project, but rather to ask them to work with us on a ‘pro bono’ basis as part of their own political contribution and as part of a collective effort (and in the process we could learn skills from them.)

    4) Why? a) Because of #1. It is bloody hard to produce a creditable and convincing video with EYE-CATCHING images… and Chris has already hinted at the problem of getting such images. b) in our propaganda and agitation
    (and this is what this video would be), I think that IOPS needs to be both‘red and expert’ and so we need skilled people to do this with us as part, again, of a collective project.

    5) About the overall tone and approach. I listened to the audio tape several times again last night. Sorry but I still find it far too academic and that dreaded phrase, ‘emotionally flat.’

    I think one of the problems is that we come from different political traditions and have quite different views as to what political rhetoric will mobilise people into action. And here I am using a quote from someone named Kenneth Burke (not sure who he is): "....the basic function of rhetoric [is] the use of words by human agents to form attitudes or to induce actions in other human agents."

    The action we want to induce with this audio/video is to get people to join IOPS and, in turn, to get existing IOPS members to become more active. (As an aside, I do think the lethargy and non-participation among our ranks of 2887 ‘members’ is very worrying…that we need to first become the IPO, the International Participatory Organisation.) The attitude we want to form is that this society is rotten to the core, that it is right to rebel and we intend to do this… and we all need each other to do this.

    Most others in this blog seem to differ with the views of a few of us critics (constructive ones, I hope), but I just do not think this draft above cuts the mustard.

    I have below inserted links to a several speeches (M.L. King, Fidel Castro), one longer piece (Marx and Engels) and, for a bit of fun, one contemporary video, Bugger the Bankers.

    http://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1848/communist-manifesto/ch01.htm

    http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm

    http://www.marxists.org/history/cuba/archive/castro/1953/10/16.htm

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=WSIUf2hD6Io

    These pieces are all very different and were written/spoken/sung in and for very diverse circumstances. But they are worth studying, I think, because they all share at least one common objective: they aim to mobilise to action and to change attitudes. That is also a key purpose of the IOPS video we are discussing.

    Of course, an IOPS video is unlikely to have the same impact as M.L. King’s 1963 ‘I have a dream’ speech in Washington. And we only have 8 minutes (and King had 17 minutes after all!). But I think all of these speeches and texts and the video song can give us some clues and lessons as to how, in 2012, we could produce a modest IOPS video.

    In short, we need to reach out and impact on the hearts and minds of those who watch this video…and we need to do this with a bit of flare, passion and, dare I say it, outrage.

    Best
    Alan


  • Peter Lach-Newinsky 5th Dec 2012

    I fully agree with Alan and Lambert, and hope this is seen as constructive criticism and creative differences about notions like passion and seriousness, hearts and minds, outrage and credibility, excitement, poetry, music, rhythm, soul, spontaneity and 'it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing' as relates to any anti-authoritarian political activity whatsoever, including IOPS. Seems we're in a minority as regards responses so far, but so be it.

  • Michael Livingston 5th Dec 2012

    Remember, Alan and Peter, this video is an INTRODUCTION to IOPS and the IOPS website – it’s not a general call to arms or a recruiting panacea. Given that modest(but important)purpose, the draft we’ve got here is on the right track – let’s see how it develops.

  • Sara Cromwell 5th Dec 2012

    I agree, Michael. I just watched/listened to the video and thought it was quite well done. It made key points in an accessible format that I think will be very successful introducing first-time visitors to IOPS to the website and organization. Yes, the music got a little loud at ~6 minutes, but, really, I think the crescendo hit just a little too soon and competed with the narrator. Using a crescendo as a transition from narration to quotes at the end of a video is perfectly appropriate, though.

    I also wanted to address what I regard as undue criticism running throughout this blog. Is the video perfect? Of course not, and Chris Chrysostomou made no assertions that it was. It's not even complete yet. And he ASKED for CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and for help finishing the project. Instead, however, so many responses are in the nature of "Give up, Chris, you'll never make it good enough for us." That's just wrong as far as I'm concerned.

    The thing is, to my knowledge anyway, this is the first concerted effort of its kind to produce a multi-media approach to our shared problem of recruiting enough members and chapters to move from an interim group to an organizing convention. And the larger response is to chuck it in favor of some ideal version of a video that doesn't even exist? I reject that approach. This is the first video. That doesn't mean it's the only video, or the last video.

    Chris -- you have my wholehearted support for this video. You're doing important work. I think you're brave to try it with such a hyper-critical group, the work is well done, and you've shown a great initiative. I wish more people would offer helpful information to you and answer your call for footage so you can complete the video and get it out there instead of encouraging you to go back to a "drawing board" or scratch the project entirely. I have limited computer skills, no idea where to find or how to send you footage, and absolutely no video production experience or skills, but if there is anything else you need done to complete your video project, let me know. I am willing to help. I hope others are, as well.

  • Nick Delvino 6th Dec 2012

    First of all, as many have already expressed, to all of you who have been working on the script and video images, thank you so much. This is crucial and your effort and initiative on this project is very important and generous.

    Now, in my opinion the critics (Lambert, Alan, David, Peter) are all well-meaning and intending to be constructive and helpful. I think that is important to acknowledge. While I agree that it is very important to be supportive of and empower each other, I also agree that it is also important to be honest and open about our disagreements and hopes for improvements.

    Honestly my first impression of the video was similar to that of Lambert and Alan - that the tone is somewhat dry and even unappealing. After finishing the video after some time (loading problems) I did feel more empowered about IOPS and that the video is overall very effective. So, maybe this would suggest a more catchy or empowering opening to the video? Not sure how this might practically be accomplished without compromising the intent of the video - to introduce IOPS. Maybe begin with the crux of what appeals everyone (sweeping generalization, sorry!) to IOPS - that we don't just acknowledge the problems but think holistically about planning for a future based on solidarity, equity, self-management, etc... Maybe the video already does this, must watch again, but how about starting off with a provocation regarding societal injustice and an immediate appeal to our practical, comprehensive, tangible vision of our future society? Sorry if I'm being too vague!

    I feel that I must make a disclosure: this is my first comment on an IOPS blog. Normally I would not chime in but being that there is a general 'lethargy and non-participation' problem in IOPS so far (I am trying to initiate a local chapter in Melbourne, received an encouraging string of early positive responses but nothing has happened after roughly one month, maybe partly because I have no organizing experience...) I am trying to make an effort to participate, for better or worse :-P.

    I second Lambert's final comment regarding slowly building up the music so that it is distinguishably louder after the narrarator has finished speaking. I also agree with David's suggestion to change the wording around 1:15. I prefer David's suggested alternative.

    Sorry I can't add more to the discussion, as I mentioned I've only watched the entire video once due to loading issues.

    Overall great job of introducing IOPS. My only final suggestion would be to incorporate poignant political/satirical cartoons when mentioning our sense that society is systemically broken (maybe inappropriate? I'm thinking it would be a way to jazz-up/ inject some emotion into the video, which I guess everyone doesn't agree is necessary...)

    Thanks to everyone who's participating in and contributing to IOPS!!

  • Florian Zollman 6th Dec 2012

    Many thanks for the effort. I think the video is great. I know how difficult it is to narrate video from my journalistic experience and I think the narrator has done a great job. I find the tone appropriate and also like the music. I will have another look later and see if I find anything regarding the content and visuals which could be changed. Cheers

  • Jason Chrysostomou 6th Dec 2012

    Thanks again for everyone who has contributed to the discussion so far. All of the criticisms and suggestions have been noted and we will take them on board for producing the next version of the video. We still need IOPS footage though, so if anyone has anything, please send.

    I am going to make one suggestion though. The video has divided people quite sharply. For those who think a radically different approach to presenting an introduction to IOPS is needed, can I suggest that they form a group together, and produce an alternative video to show everyone? Even if it's just a text script or recorded audio for now, I think it will be very useful, it's a good thing to have alternative ways of presenting IOPS material that appeal to different people, and if you want to get professional help then please go ahead and seek it. What some people respond to, others don't and vice versa. Some prefer a more neutral, informational style, others a more emotive, passionate, rhetorical one, so why not create multiple videos that cover all styles?

    From here on, could I ask that comments on this blog are focused on specific suggestions for what could be changed to improve this current draft video, so at least we can move ahead with finishing this version, and that those who think the video doesn't work and needs to be re-conceptualised, work together to produce something else for us to see. Is that sensible?

    • Jon Doe 6th Dec 2012

      A more quirky, funny and pop-culture video intro to IOPS is on the front of the website in the form of the Simpsons IOPS video intro (http://vimeo.com/39937744). However the Simpsons version it does not attempt to be a serious explanation of the organization. The new intro video has an important role to play by being more serious, but also more human. Maybe people could send you short (1 min) video clips of themselves reading the text, or doing something that represents "IOPS vison" to them, to show actual members as real people, not just ideas that can already be read about on the website. Would 5-10 people agree to make short video of themselves reading the text or doing somthing IOPS related?
      For an example of this type of video making: http://vimeo.com/29511960

    • Alan Story 6th Dec 2012

      Jon- Thanks for telling us about this Sticks N Stones IOPS video; perhaps I am the only one, but this is the first time I have seen it.

      I hate to sound like 'a fart at a party' and definitely NOT to be competitive, but I think that there are several things about this 'Simpsons' video that is better than the draft video we have been discussing. It has at least a bit of a story line here( though slight I know), some of us can identify with some characters (Homer S. and the gang), there are lots of images, it is a bit quirky and offbeat ( I wondered where it was all leading), the word 'socialism' is mentioned, and so on. It was not academic and it did keep my attention the whole time...and it did not try to explain too much. After all, it was only an intro.

      I am NOT saying it is perfect, but it did have some positive elements. And we could do a lot worse than working TOGETHER with Sticks n Stones in another effort.

      I think also positive lessons from the 'I am part of the 99' clips you have linked to. Real people, real emotions.

      But I would recommend against clips of IOPS members reading things out. Dull, dull, dull and de-mobilising.

      We also don't want IOPS to sound like or be like the Socialist Workers' Party...or the Salvation Army. Or at least that's not the vision of a vibrant group I have. I see us as a group 'fomenting things' and that it is actually people OUTSIDE IOPS rebelling than will be far more important than IOPS as a group. Why not get some clips of them to use in such a video?

  • Dom Merriott 6th Dec 2012

    So firstly, I can't begin without acknowledging that I would not have had the ideas and abilities to have produced something to this standard in the first place. So I begin from a platform of appreciation and admiration that you guys have dedicated your time to doing this.

    INTRO - I really liked it. Only comment is that there's something kind of youtube pc tutorial like about showing a mouse scrolling down the 'About' page at around 57 seconds. However I have no ideas of how to change that, and it's useful to show those things and I can't think of a better place to put it.

    The individual sections - when the screen shows '1. Social Revolution' and other similar times, maybe that's a good time to have a brief text quote (that doesn't fill up more than a couple of lines) from some IOPS members. Then for example when you say "we see war, poverty, ecological decay…" etc, there is a bit more of a personal touch as to who "we" is.

    In fact if some posts were created asking for people to say a couple of lines of their thoughts on these subjects (Social Revolution, shared vision, a holistic approach… etc) it might be a good forum for people to come together and hear each others ideas.

    As an aside I love the graphic that comes up at around 3 minutes in. If you have a high quality version of that please send it to me!

    END - would be cool if you could get some audio recordings, rather than just quotes rolling up the screen. I understand practical considerations may have prevented that from being an option in the first place.

  • Maryellen Kurkulos 15th Jan 2013

    Hello folks - I only just stumbled upon this video and accompanying thread today. I very much like the video, I like the narrator and style. That said, I do understand the issues some are taking with it. It does have the feel of an in-flight transcontinental video that, while soothing, might not be the best hook for growing our movement.
    I don't have anything more to contribute here than has already been offered. But I will show it to our Boston IOPS group that is planning to meet in February. I will show it - or any newer version if available - to our group of roughly 10 or so. Undoubtedly the feedback will be valuable. In my experience, the hive mind often comes up with valuable insights. Will be in touch - M.

  • Lambert Meertens 20th Jan 2013

    If someone is still reading this, the video can now be seen here: http://www.zcommunications.org/introductions-to-iops-by-jason-chrysostomou. Shouldn't it be featured on the international home page?

    • C C 21st Jan 2013

      That's not the final version. I don't know why it is up there.

    • Lambert Meertens 21st Jan 2013

      OK. If it's not final, perhaps I can make two remarks.

      1. The part with all the quotations did not work for me in that I could not keep my attention and started fidgeting.

      2. At the end the video should again prominently show the website address.

    • Jane Johnson 21st Jan 2013

      I have to agree with Lambert about the part with all the quotations. And I found it difficult read with the vocals in the music going on at the same time. I thought this section was loads better in the first video where the same music was used throughout (and the music didn't have vocals).

      Otherwise the video looks good, especially now that it has some pictures in it! :-)